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“Deciding under uncertainty is bad enough, but deciding under...”
— Kenneth Boulding (1910-1993)

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April Job Rejection Emails

Philipp says: Thank you for your recent application regarding vacancies at Chelsea FC Plc.
I have read your details with interest but unfortunately we do not have positions that would match your particular skills or experience at present.
David Megathlin says: i HATE that sentence
Nicholas Mueller says: POST YOUR REJECTIONS!
hugues MILLET says: in few words, you are an asshole...translation
Philipp says: As you will appreciate, we receive a great many speculative applications. We will hold onto your details for a period of six months and if a position arises which your skills and experience are suitable for we will contact you.
hugues MILLET says: means, please don't disturb us during minimum 6 months...
David Megathlin says: exactly...
Nicholas Mueller says: After evaluating the candidates, we regretfully have to inform you that you are not one of the candidates we will invite to meet with us for interviews
Philipp says: We have had a large number of very high quality applications this year so we have had some difficult decisions to make. Inevitably, a decision between well-qualified candidates must rest upon relatively small differences in qualifications and experience.
Unfortunately, after careful consideration, we regret that we will not be proceeding with your application. All applications are screened by a team of consultants and managers and due to the sheer volume of applications that we receive, we are unable to provide individual feedback.
I am sorry to send you a disappointing reply, but I do wish you the best of luck for the future.
Philipp says: my favorite one from the worst company in the world:
Dear Philip
We thank you for your time and interest that you have shown MTG and our trainee programme. We find you an interesting candidate, however, we do not feel that you have the perfect profile for our trainee programme, hence we will not invite you to further interview.
We wish you the best of luck!
Philipp says: maybe we should bring in gender diversity in as well
Nicholas Mueller says: We are sorry but the manager for Online has given me the message that they are no longer hiring within MTG Online. HR department has saved your CV, since you are a very interesting candidate for us, and will make contact with you if anything comes up!
Philipp says: somebody should tell these HR departments how retarded they are
Nicholas Mueller says: Thank you for exploring career opportunities at Sony Ericsson Mobile Communications and for your application for the position as Business Innovator. Your application was received and will be reviewed. We will be carrying out the selection process continuously, however due to vacations the selection process might be prolonged.
David Megathlin says: WHAT, that last one is great...

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